Top 10 Ridiculous Asian Film Myths

Most peoples day-to-day routine doesn’t even shooting Ak47′s, running into ghosts, or performing drunken tai chi. So, go figure, most Americans actually know very little about these things. The big wigs up at the movie studios realized this a long time ago and, being writers, used it as an excuse to never do any fact-checking ever again. Below is a list of the absurd, the zany, and the unbelievable that seemed to have slipped through the cracks and have been deemed acceptable by movie goers when they, in all reality, are totally false.

Where You’ve Seen It:
Ip Man, Ong Bak, Oldboy, Fist of Legend, Kill Bill, practically every Jackie Chan movie.

The Myth:
Sorry evil villian, somehow your best laid plans have gone awry because our protagonist is so powerful, so well versed in the art of fighting, that he can karate chop his way through your entire army. A great fight scene is really hard to perfect. There has to be a balance of slick choreography, the raw emotion of the fight, and storytelling. On top of all that, directors have to amass the right actors and stuntmen that can pull everything off. For me, when someone goes Arnold Schwarzenegger in Commando all over a group of guys, it is a big red flag. For one, it would be impossible not to get hit and even if you were a fighter sent from the fight Gods, you would run out of stamina. Kudos to Tony Jaa for choreographing his fight scene where he actually get roughed up a bit, but still, unrealistic.

Where You’ve Seen It:
Chinese Ghost Story, Sick Nurses, Ringu, The Grudge, Dark Water, Ghost of Mae Nak

The Myth:
Basically, traditional depictions of female ghosts featured unkempt hair because, long ago, Japanese women kept their hair up while alive; it was let down when the body was prepared for a funeral. Hence, a woman with undone, flowing hair looked like a dead woman. Okay, that explains the look, but in some cases, like in Kwaidan or The Forbidden Kingdom, the hair almost has a life of its own, or at least some kind of lethal quality is suggested. I don’t have a specific explanation for that, but there is a folk belief in the country that hair has an almost magical quality, as if it represents some kind of spiritual essence of the person. Granted, that’s pretty cool, so cool in fact, that every movie studio wanted to put a Ghost in their movie. The result is the over saturation of Ghost movies to the point where they aren’t scary anymore. Instead, we just let our a ‘ho-hum’ sigh of frustration.

Where You’ve Seen It:
Bloodsport, Kill Bill volume 2, Iron Monkey

The Myth:
Touch of Death is fake guys. Don’t you think it would be easy to take a reflexology class at your local community college and then go around pressure pointing people until they died? Yes, there are pressure points on the body, which can be manipulated to cause immediate and excruciating pain. Dim Mak has been portrayed in quite a few films, all more absurd then the one that followed. There is even the theory that Bruce Lee was killed by the Touch of Death. If dim mak can influence organ function, then it absolutely can cause a delayed death, in a matter of days, weeks or months. However, the Five Point Exploding Heart Technique and the like are rubbish, and a quick note to Bill…if taking five steps kills you, why did you take five steps afterwards? Dumb.

Where You’ve Seen It:
The Last Samurai, Ninja, Samurai Girl, Beverly Hills Ninja

The Myth:
At least Chris Farley was smart enough to parody this idea, while many other have tried to pull it off seriously. Shame on them. This is Hollywoods way of cashing in on the Kung Fu film cash cow by casting American people in their films. These popular representations of historical circumstances are often badly done. In the Last Samurai, although a good film, this is distinctively and truly awful.  After 1877 there were no more samurai uprisings. Yet, why do films portray modern day samurai’s as white guys from California? Just because you’re a white guy who knows kung-fu, we don’t need a scene of you meditating and doing yoga to hammer home the idea that you are a Ninja or Samurai. We won’t buy it. This trend needs to commit seppuku.

Where You’ve Seen It:
Hard Boiled, Face/Off, Machine Girl, Sukiyaki Western Django

The Myth:
Most pistols hold 6 bullets. Most machine guns hold 30 rounds. Anyone who frequents Call of Duty (which is as close to shooting a firearm as most people will get) you can vouch for the fact you reload quite a bit. Films however, don’t play by these rules. Especially in Asian films! For example, because you can’t actually see the bullets in a machine gun, directors like John Woo, take this as a blank check to treat the inside of a gun as a never ending bullet factory that defies the laws of science. Below is a video of a kid firing one of the firearms displaying in a Woo film (or any other Asian film):

See that video? That kid didn’t give up after four seconds because he got tired. He was out of bullets. C’mon guys, try to make your gun scenes a bit more believable so people don’t think they can go out and buy a gun and go to town on the damn thing.

Where You’ve Seen It:
Hannari: Geisha Modern, RoboGeisha, Memoirs of a Geisha

The Myth:
Unfortunately, the most popular portrayel of geisha’s is in the historical and ethnic inaccurate ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’, which is Rob Marshall’s imaginative, artistic take on the geisha world. Memoir’s of a Geisha, among other things, included a rather dramatized conflict between the main character and an older Geiko, as well as the old practice of “mizu-age,” and rather cruel treatment by her mother and was sold into the okiya.  I have read that girls wishing to become a Geisha rarely suffered so much in all considerations.

I also think that the idea of Geisha as what they truly are, skilled artists who study under the oldest and most advanced schools in Japan, will be severaly undermined in order to make another blockbuster (*shifty eyes* The Last Samurai, despite my love for that movie.) and that it will promote further misunderstanding about what it truly means to be a Geisha in the west, and also harm the shrinking, but beautiful old tradition.

Where You’ve Seen It:
Drunken Master 2, The Forbidden Kingdom

The Myth:
Drunken Boxing’ is an enigma in Chinese Martial Arts. There is no stand alone “Style” of Drunken Boxing; this is only in the movies. Only a few systems have a true ‘Drunken Boxing’ set and that set is usually the System’s most guarded secret. Choy Li Fut is one such system.  It is considered to be among the more difficult wushu styles to learn due to the need for powerful joints and fingers. Which most people do not possess the strength nor stamina to pull it off. Hollywood likes to capatilize on this style of fighting because it is cool to watch but it is a far fetched way of fighting that nobody does anymore.

Where You’ve Seen It:
Story of Ricki-O, Tokyo Gore Police, Hard Revenge Milly

The Myth:
Story of Ricky is a carnival of gore and martial arts which often becomes nauseating. The story is not the main event in this film, but rather the ultra violence is what keeps the audience’s attention. There is a feeble attempt to display Riki’s sensitive side, however, this becomes abundantly awkward. In addition, the poor cinematography, mise-en-scene, sound, acting, voice over, and music makes this a so-bad-its-good experience, but other film that surround this theme often end up as no laughing matter. Luckily, modern films have gone away with the myth that if you lift weight and you’re an Asian guy, you can knock peoples eyeballs out with a slap to the back of the head or punch through someones chest.

Where You’ve Seen It:
A Battle of Wits, Red Cliff I & II, Assembly, Letters to Iwo Jima

The Myth:
Let’s face it, war is intense, but not often exciting. Movie studios like to take real life battles and sprinkle in some ‘Hollywood’ in it to heighten the entertainment levels. This is all fine and well, but the drawback can be that they have total disregard for the actual events. Take Red Cliff for example, as notable cuts include the background and motivations behind Zhuge Liang’s plan to obtain 100,000 arrows, including the threat to his life, and the early parts of Sun Shangxiang’s infiltration. According to Woo, historical accuracy was less important than how the audience felt about the battle. Doing this, will lead many people unfamiliar with the wars portrayed to believe that something happened in the battle that never really happened. It would be nice if Asian films brought more authenticity to their war films.

Where You’ve Seen It:
Hero, Legend of the Shadowless Sword, House of Flying Daggers, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

The Myth:
Can Asian people walk on tree limbs, walk on water, and FLY?! Nope, only if you were in a mainstream Asian film in the early 2000′s, apparantely. The popular show mythbusters took it upon themselves to answer this #1 point. Can ninjas run on water as movies like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon would have us believe? In ‘Walking on Water,’ Adam, Jamie and a ninjitsu master try their luck at aquatic agility. And if that doesn’t work, the boys get confrontational as they compete to see how ninjas — masters of illusion — could create the impression of water running. In ‘Samurai Swing,’ Kari, Tory and Grant find out if a Ninja could stop a samurai sword with his bare hands. To avoid the sharp sting of steel the team devises a ninja rig to clap onto the sword, and it seems like this myth is all in the timing. They also disprove all the other stupid things that kung fu ninjas did in the early 2000′s in films. Again, this trend seems to be dying out as well but it lands in the top slot as the most memorable. Awww…the good ol’ days.

That’s all for this list! Like always we hope you enjoyed and feel free to sound off in the comments section or list your own Asian film myths. Until next time…