Please. These women won’t be calling you back. They already forgot your name. If you do happen to catch their attention, you’ll be lucky enough to escape with your life. Let’s take a look at the baddest and the brightest, the shining stars and shooting moons of this extremely graphic top 10 list: Ass-Kicking Anime Females. Grab a can of Blast, your illuminated wireless keyboard, some rations and your pet mecha as you lock yourself in your gaming dungeon of delight. Feel free to mercilessly add these titles to your download or Netflix queue. Or not.
Don’t be scared homie.
This 1998 one hour feature directed by Yasuomi Umetsu (Robot Carnival, Lupin III, Dante’s Inferno) is highly controversial (but not quite Hentai!), crosses all kinds of boundaries and then fiddles with your exhausted emotions. Not for the faint of heart! Sawa sees her family butchered at the tender age of 14 and then is “taken care of” by men who raise her to be a teen assassin, natch. She is definitely the sweetest on our list and after she kills people often weeps bitterly about it!! But make no mistake. She will look dead into your eyes as she pulls the trigger to protect herself, her friend and her cat.
Ah, Kagero. The most delicate of cherry blossom ninja girls, she’s the poison tasting member of the Kouga Ninja team in feudal Japan. Time and again her tree jumping prowess, dart skills and sword work come in handy as she escapes the fell clutches of another elite ninja group called The 8 Devils of Kimon. Because of her years of poison tasting skills she’s the epitome of untouchable beauty, and the cause of many a man and monsters’ undoing.
Revy enjoys long walks on the beach, full shoulder tribal tattoos, smoking, cursing and her pair of custom stainless M92 Berettas. Her penchant for accidentally killing people rather than negotiating makes her the quintessential daisy-duke-wearing loose cannon of the Thai everglades. She’s the muscle of her mercenary team Black Lagoon. And yes, she can drink you under the table, why do you ask? Revy likes her coffee black and expects you to have it ready for her in the morning as you let yourself out.
Duenan won’t rip your head off if you try to speak to her. But how often do you go up to a girl fully strapped with sub-machine guns, assault rifles, grenade belts and a knife sheath strapped to her calf? Beautiful and deadly in the art of hand-to-hand combat, she’s just another futuristic girl trying to get through the world, you know what I’m saying? She’s taken, though. In each of the stellar Appleseed efforts (Appleseed OVA, Appleseed, and Appleseed Ex-Machina) she’s completely utterly in love with Briareos, a human soldier turned 75% cyborg and given a pair of unexplained bunny ears. Loyalty! She is awesome to watch in this clip as she single-handedly takes out a Cathedral infested with cyborg monsters.
Saya is the last of her kind: a vampire cum vampire hunter. This chick is either 14 or 1000. We aren’t sure and it doesn’t matter when you’re the best of the best, or the last of your kind. Her prey is the vampire-zombie-monster-shape shifters. Her weapon of choice: a Kitana. Her social etiquette: non-existent. There’s really not much else to say is there? She’ll probably kick your ass in a little sailor suit. This violent, dark, one hour horror release is one of the best in the genre. I wouldn’t bother with the live action version.
Teresa is the #1 Claymore on a list of 42 beautiful blonde warriors, short on humor, long on fighting techniques. Everyone knows you can’t kill vampire goblins with jokes alone. Thus, Teresa is on a one woman quest to never smile while attacking with her long sword. Living in some kind of ancient futuristic medieval wasteland is never as awesome as it sounds and Teresa’s emotions begin to unravel. She goes rogue to protect something close to her heart (her adopted daughter) and as she goes down, single-handedly takes out half her team, on purpose. She doesn’t care that some of her dialogue is bad. She only wants to kill.
The series Elfen Lied is JapanCinema’s #3 most violent anime of all time and contains violence personified, named Lucy. She’s not so much kick-ass as a mind-numbingly sadistic teenage mutant enduring of government torture for all of her years. She busts out of the high-tech torture joint by way of supersonic arm blades and washes ashore, embattled in a diptheric state of mental fugue. For a time she turns into someone else; a fuzzy over-erogenated sylph of love with ubiquitously over-sized eyes, humping random things and people. This is highly disconcerting because she’s violently dispatched at least 500 innocent people by that point.
19-year-old former cop turned “Draculina” vampire hunter by the nefarious Alucard (Dracula spelled backwards…get it?…get it??) is a supernatural rough and tumble tomboy. Seras’s preferred personal weapon is the Hellsing ARMS Anti-Midian 30 mm Cannon. She uses various types of shells, including depleted uranium with silver for piercing armored targets and incendiary napalm rounds for destroying large groups of opponents both on land and in the air. Naturally she can carry it with one arm.
One can’t be The Major’s friend unless you read binary code, can solve a Rubik’s cube in 35.5 seconds and have a paternal affinity for her pet robot mini-mechas. But watch out! She can ghost hack your brain in under 10 seconds wearing thermoptic camouflage, appearing nude whilst doing so. At the end of the day she is still the coolest, smartest cyborg working for the clandestine operatives of Section 9 and has no fear, witnessed here as she introduces herself to an enemy tank.
So you’ve finally finished reading Lady Chatterly’s Lover by D.H. Lawrence and think you’ve figured out the futuristic, dystopic, anarchist lady love that is Aeon? Yawn. Think again. You should have read Brave New World by Aldous Huxley and even then you’d be dead wrong. Because Aeon isn’t into literature and she’s bored of you before she’s even been introduced. She’s not here to play. She’s here to conquer. Deadly in the art of war, acrobatics, counter terrorism, espionage and toying with the hearts of men, Aeon rules this list with a black riding crop, silicone thigh-highs and an IQ of 190.