Battleship – Review

Battleship is loosely based on the board game Battlships and stars Tadanobu Asano, and not once did I hear, ‘You sunk my battleship”! The ONLY intention of this ridiculous movie is presumably to keep you on the edge of your seat through any nonsensical means possible. Even that lone goal fails miserably. Seeing the same effects over and over again numbs the brain as much as listening to the dumbest dialogue exchanges in the history of the cinema. This movie exits in a hyper-reality where the world is like a giant video game and battleships defy the laws of physics. So what do we get here? Astronomers discover yet another exoplanet and send a message. The aliens get it and manage to decipher it of course. It does not take very long and they show up on the radar, obviously capable of flying interstellar flights at the speed of light.

With three ships caught in a force field as they are shot upon to pieces, there should be a sense of danger but there isn’t any. Instead the film plays its biggest hand first with a lengthy mind-numbing action scene, taking away any sense of escalation for the film. The story itself is reasonably straightforward and predicable; however, not having to think through a convoluted plot with numerous twists and turns gives one an excellent chance to simply sit back and enjoy some excellent visuals effects. And if you couldn’t guess, yes, the CGI is the best part of the movie. Rihanna debuts in her first film role but fails to impress as a weapons specialist. Given the amount of clichés in this movie, Michelle Rodriguez would have been the perfect choice instead of Rihanna, even if her roles are becoming repetitive. Playing the leads, Kitsch is no better than his uninspiring role in “John Carter”, while Decker suffices as pure eye-candy.

No doubt owing to its video game genesis, this movie has undeveloped characters and poor narrative, but, does it work ? Yes, very much so- for the target audience in question at least. Outside of that, it will no doubt be blasted and levelled by serious critics to the same degree that my review reflects. As it was directed by Peter Berg I was hoping a little less clichés, but I guess when one is attached to a 200 million dollar budget, he has the obligation to make the movie appealable to as wide a demographic as possible. So I’m puzzled as to why I enjoyed it as much as I did – I didn’t love it, but neither did I feel I’d wasted my time.

If you are looking for a Ridley Scott Sci-fi classic then this isn’t it. However if you just feel like seeing a film that is an enjoyable explosive ride then this may surprise you. The last scene was very well shot and also reminded me of a battle in Pirates of the Caribbean. The graphics (especially the last half hour) were realistic and the sound-effects were appropriate and not too loud. I, personally, enjoyed the AC/DC songs in between. Battleship wasn’t great, and I guess it may even be a pretty bad film as far as scripting goes. But while watching it, I at least was interested in what was going on. Still, in summary, it is now available in 2D and also in 3D for those who don’t mind being ripped off, it would have been better if ‘Battleship’ had sunk without a trace during pre-production.