Godzilla’s Revenge, well ok, here we go. Anyone who says that the Roland Emerich Godzilla film is the worst in the series has never seen or heard of this one. There is almost nothing original of note to make it on the screen in all 70 minutes of film. It’s all inane, childish, boring, confusing, and filled with stock footage. Seriously if you took out all the stock footage you would be looking at maybe a 30 minute movie. Maybe. Coming out on the heels of Destroy All Monsters, Godzilla’s Revenge has no reason to exist. Other Godzilla movies had incorporated elements geared toward children but this was the first one to say “hey you know our star? The King of the Monsters? The terrifying personification of the harrowing effects of radiation? The destructive force that obliterates everything in his path? That would make a really good kids movie made only for kids hopped up on sugar.”
Our main character is an annoying latchkey child who doesn’t spend much time with his family because they are always working. Because of this he has become an introverted kid obsessed with Godzilla and other giant monsters. He even says he wishes he could be on Monster Island and day dreams about hanging out with Minilla watching the other monsters live together on Monster Island. When he hangs out with Minilla he is revealed to be a coward who runs from a new giant monster named Gaberra. In real life Yoshiro is also bullied by a group of schoolmates headed by Gabbera. Real subtle symbolism there… Over the course of the movie Yoshiro deals with being a loner and learns to stand up for himself after his imaginary friend Minilla helps him overcome his fears. We are supposed to feel bad for him but he’s so annoying, he is constantly growling and his voice is very grating so you better get used to that. There is actually a pretty good interaction or two between him and an old guy who offers a nice touch to the… Wait a minute I don’t want to say anything positive about this movie forget you read that.
When I said they used stock footage earlier I wasn’t clear, I don’t mean they used little bits of the other movies. I mean they flat out recycle full 5-10 minute scenes from other Godzilla movies. Wanted to see the Eberah vs. Godzilla fight again? How about the Godzilla vs. Kamacus? Or Godzilla vs. Kumonga? Alongside many other scenes lifted directly from earlier Toho films. The film grain doesn’t even match! And the size and look of the Godzilla suit changes from time to time. The mash up looks terrible with the new scenes supposedly taking place alongside them with Yoshiro and Minnilla reacting to the reused fights. I should also mention they dubbed in the worst voice ever for Minnilla. He sounds like a cartoon character whose eating a handful of peanut butter while drunk.
During a night where Yoshiro is left home alone he is kidnapped by more incompetent robbers then those seen in the Home Alone films which is annoying but to be fair that is a hallmark of Ishiro Honda’s. Yoshiro takes inspiration from Minnilla and works to escape them mirroring in his mind Minnilla fighting Gabbera while Godzilla looks on. This fight with the fictional Gabbera is the only new monster footage in the movie but that doesn’t mean it is any good. Gabbera looks stupid, he has goofy hair and looks like he was designed by a kid there is nothing intimidating what so ever here. In fact I hate Minnilla so much I am glad to see him get beaten down finally. This movie if you haven’t gathered it is not worth your time, it’s frustrating because this was directed by the famous Ishiro Honda. Yeah let that sink in the genius behind the entire series is responsible for this absolute mess. I find it almost touching Honda refused to let anyone else be his special effects supervisor out of respect for his mentor but the result isn’t flattering. I don’t know why this movie exists and I can’t find a reason to justify watching it when there are so many better movies in the series.
Best Moment of Destruction: Snapping the DVD after popping it out of the player. Or Minnilla getting punched in the face.